BOOK OF THE DAY

AUDIOBOOK: https://amzn.to/44A01CC

BOOK: https://amzn.to/4lDDIlT

I didn’t pick up this book because everything in my relationship was perfect—I picked it up because I wanted to stop feeling like my words were landmines. I was scrolling through Audible one evening, looking for something that didn’t just dish out generic “relationship advice,” but something real. Something that could help me say what I feel without burning the whole house down in the process. That’s when I saw Communicate Your Feelings (Without Starting a Fight) by Nic Saluppo. The title alone felt like it had been plucked straight from one of my own journal entries. And once I hit play and heard Colin Kibler’s calm, grounded voice—firm but kind, like a friend who’s telling you the truth because he actually cares—I knew I was in for more than just good advice. This was perspective-shifting stuff. Here are 8 lessons that stuck with me and reshaped the way I approach emotional conversations—less like a battle, more like a bridge.

1. “I Feel” Is Not a Free Pass to Attack: I always thought starting a sentence with “I feel” meant I was doing it right—being vulnerable, expressing myself. But Nic made it clear: saying “I feel like you don’t care about me” isn’t actually expressing a feeling, it’s a veiled accusation. This was a lightbulb moment. Feelings are emotions, not judgments. Saying “I feel sad when we don’t talk in the evenings” invites connection. The other way? It just puts the other person on the defensive. I realized how often I’ve tried to win instead of connect. And if you’re reading this, maybe you’ve done the same.

2. Timing Can Be Everything (Or the Undoing of Everything): One thing that stood out was how Nic emphasized timing—not just what you say, but when you say it. I’d never thought deeply about this before. I used to bring up emotional topics whenever I was ready. But Kibler’s narration slowed this concept down enough for me to feel it: just because I’m in the mood to talk doesn’t mean it’s the right moment. Now, I pause and ask, “Is this a good time to talk?” That simple shift has saved me from arguments that would’ve erupted purely out of bad timing, not bad intentions.

3. Assume Innocence Before Assigning Intent: This hit me hard. I didn’t realize how quickly I jump to conclusions about why my partner does something—assuming they meant to hurt me, or they’re ignoring me on purpose. Nic drove this home with a clarity I couldn’t ignore: most miscommunications are just that—miscommunications, not malice. This mindset change helped me stop interpreting every unmet need as a personal offense. It’s helped me breathe, listen, and talk without turning into a prosecutor.

4. Complaints Are Not the Enemy—Criticism Is: I used to think bringing up a problem at all was being critical. So I’d either bottle it up or explode. But this book helped me understand the difference: a complaint says, “This didn’t work for me.” Criticism says, “You’re the problem.” The author didn’t just explain the difference—he showed it in example after example. And with Kibler’s voice walking me through them, it felt like practice for real life. I learned to voice what’s bothering me without tearing my partner down. That’s powerful.

5. Your Calm Voice is Louder Than You Think: There was a part where Nic explained how tone alone can escalate or de-escalate a conversation. I thought, “Okay, sure, tone matters.” But then he broke it down—how we physically respond to raised voices, how the nervous system kicks into fight-or-flight. And it clicked. That one chapter changed how I use my voice. Now, when I lower my tone, it doesn’t mean I’m weak—it means I’m choosing connection over chaos. That choice has made hard conversations feel a lot safer.

6. Listen to Understand, Not to Reload: I used to listen just long enough to craft my counterpoint. But Nic challenged that head-on. He said something like, “If you’re listening while preparing your defense, you’re not actually listening.” That line sat with me for days. Now I catch myself. I pause. I really listen. I’ve learned that validation doesn’t mean agreement—it means your partner feels seen. And that simple shift can melt tension before it turns into fire.

7. Boundaries Are Not Walls—They’re Invitations: There was a section on boundaries that surprised me. Instead of treating them like barriers, Nic framed them as ways to help your partner love you better. That hit deep. I always thought saying “I need time after work before I talk” was being distant. But now I see it as giving my partner a roadmap. Clear boundaries aren’t rejection—they’re clarity. And that clarity creates more peace, not less.

8. You Don’t Have to Solve Everything Right Now: This was one of the gentlest lessons in the book. Sometimes, emotions flare. Conversations stall. And the best thing you can do is take a break—not out of avoidance, but out of wisdom. Nic helped me understand that emotional regulation isn’t cold—it’s loving. Giving space doesn’t mean giving up. It means letting the storm pass so real understanding can settle in. That’s been a game changer in how I approach tense moments.